Choices

Love someone who loves you. who will help you up when you have fallen. who will be your safety net. nice, lovable yet predictable.

OR

Love someone who gives you the burning passion. who catches you when you fall. Treat you like a queen. Adventurous, passionate but UNpredictable.

The latter seems more dangerous in speaking in long term but the former will never give you that kind of excitement.

Why oh why oh why can't we have both and still be happy?

choices are never easy. Whichever you take, make it worthwhile.

somebody else. anybody.

It's the end of the week and we finish class at noon.

So why don't I feel elated like i would usually feel?

Why don't I jump in the air with my fist punching the sky with a delighted 'whoop!'?

I make my day free to wait for something happen.

but the more I wait, the more mundane it becomes.

I can't expect much from you anymore I know.

To you, I changed saying I'm easily bored.

To me, you easily took my presence for granted.

As long as I was there, no matter what we're doing it's enough for you.

Contentment.

Your contentment frustrates me!

Never did you realize that we have lost all those special days.

Just because we see each other every day,

doesn't mean it should be any less special!

I'm not angry,

I'm not mad'

But I'm sad.

My love for you is overwhelming that it scares me.

I feel that 'happy balloon' almost everytime I see you.

My heart flutters. Tachycardia.

But now, it's not even a steady beat but a stumbling dragging pace.

I dread it knowing that I wait here for something to happen and nothing will.

But your happy balloon doesn't come always.

Maybe you just don't realize it.

Maybe you're just not good at expressing.

Or maybe, just maybe, it's for something else.

Someone else.

Anything else but what you have here with me.

There is the possibility.

I can see it.

I can understand it.

But I can't stand it.

Trapped, suffocated, and claustraphobic.

I can't run away because i have no means to leave.

Literally.

I hate it.

I hate you for not realizing this.

Even if i tell you, you'd dismiss it.

Empty plans.

All of those bullshit.

And yet, here I am.

Waiting for you.

With my hearts crying.....

Valentines what??

I don't usually celebrate valentines. Albeit being in a relationship or not. I just dont see why that date has to be the day for love for everyone. If Valentine's day is an excuse for you to celebrate your love, then it's not that very authentic. *wonders*

But either way, I can't help but feel the love as February draws closer. Not because of a special someone. Just my life, my being and my soul. I just feel generally happier. I'm pretty sure it's because of the advertisements and what not promoting the month of LOOOUUURRVVVVEEe... Please. I'm just as pathetic.

I don't know what to do on February 14th but I do know that right this minute, I discovered some old and new tunes that make me happy. As though these songs describe my love life, social life and spiritual life in detail. I'm ELATED! Heee... Which is why this post came about. I know I'll keep updating it so here goes.


*drumroll*

" Eli's Happy/ Love Song List"

1) Hey Soul Sister - Train
2) Butterfly Fly Away - Miley ft. Billy Ray Cyrus
3) Crawl - Chris Brown
4) Never Knew I Needed - Ne-yo
5) Fireflies - Own City
6) Haven't Met You Yet - Michael Buble
7) Don't Stop Believing - Glee Cast

TADA!! *awkward silence* That's all for now.

Got any Song Ideas you wanna share? Please leave a comment? teehee Thanks!

Sweet messages.

It all started when I sent him a text saying 'pergi tidur'. And our friendship bloomed like a wild flower in Pandora. One day, he realized that he cared for me more that he cared for others and he sends me long good night text messages ever since! =)


Since my pathetic of a phone is incapable of storing more that 20 messages I'm gonna make this blog an archive of all the sweet text messages that I just don't have the heart to delete. Okay, here goes....


When he wakes up and feels as bright as the sunshine:

"Good morning my love XD *hugs eli tight*"

When I thought of buying him a bookmark since he loves reading novels:

"WOW!! Of course i would love it! Then i can think about you when I read them XD hehe. Thanks. *kiss kiss kiss kiss* you're the best"

When I ignore his texts because I was distracted with something else:

"*steals a kiss and runs away*"

When he wants to tell me he's home after a looooonnngg day:

"I'm home my baby boo yang i sayang sangat sangat sangat!"

When we just spent hours and hours on the phone crying about our differences (yes the religion):

"If it wasn't for this, we would be very well together.
I know that. I hope you do too. I love you.
This will happen again i'm sure.
But i'll avoid it as long as i possibly can.
I'm sorry it scarred you.
You may think that i'm insensitive and you'll be wrong.
Just because I'm inanimated unlike some people you know, it doesn't mean that I don't feel.
And you can't change that. I hope you're sleeping well.
Good night. I love you. I really do."

When he suddenly feels the bursts of emotion in him:

"I love you." - yes, just that simple message.

Whenever I haven't replied his texts and he has nothing to do:

"*pokes eli* baby..... *poke poke*"

When I still haven't responded:

"My sayang....... where are you?"

When we're far apart it's time to sleep:

"*squeeze eli tightly in my arms and and snuggle close to the woman of my dreams* literally. I think I keep dreaming of you.
*kisses eli tender* maybe because I miss you too much XD
*plays with eli's hair gently to put her to bed* I'm sorry i fell asleep today.....
I wanted to stay awake and teman you. tmrw will be good i hope.
Wake me up if I dont ok? And i can't wait to see you XD
*bury face into eli's hair* sleep tight my love. Another day down"

Finally when told that my commitment issues can only be overridden by the person's worth:

"Am I worth the trouble?"

* * *

That's all for now. Sweetheart. I know we're not lovers to the world. I love you all the same. The feeling is real.